Fantasy Football News

The Hayworth, Milquetoast and Alien Report Week 10

11/14/2006

Scoop Chicos
Senior Staff Writer
Fantasy Football Commissioner 

The Haworthian, Milquetoast, Alien Report, Week Ten-

Hayworth Report-

Carson Palmer, Cincinnati Bengals, 440 yards, 3 TDs- Holy Hannah Rose did things get out of hand in Cincinnati on Sunday.  There was more scoring going on in Bengal Stadium than 5 am in the apartment upstairs from the speakeasy.  Carson Palmer erased a season of nonplussed football action with one brilliant Sunday afternoon.  The outpouring of offensive emotion bodes well for Palmer owners going forward. 

Chad Johnson, Cincinnati Bengals, 11 catches, 260 yards, 2 TDs-  Whaaa?  People annoyed by loudmouths are going to be the most depressed after Johnson’s breakthrough game.  Johnson, who will be the league’s pre-eminent drama queen in the future single-handedly rolled my eyes with his own hands on Sunday.  If you listen hard enough you can here him talking about it right now.  

Willie Parker, Pittsburg Steelers, 22 carries, 213 yards, 2 TDs- Jumpin’ Johnny Jupiter!   Willie Parker is the kind of loudmouth I appreciate.  Last week he called out his entire team for their lack of effort than went out and played the game of his life leading the troubled Pittsburgh Steelers to victory on Sunday.  

LaDainian Tomlinson, San Diego Chargers, 22 catches, 104 yards, 4 TDs- There is only one man atop the football universe and that man is LaDainian Tomlinson and his 18 touchdowns and 144 total yards a game.  He’s ridiculous and if you own Tomlinson, what the hell are you reading this for?  Go take a nap. 

Milquetoast Report

Mark Brunell, Washington Redskins, 132 pathetic  yards, 1 INT-  Mark Brunell’s NFL carreer was pronounced dead at 4:08 EST on Sunday November 12th, 2006.  He’s survived by Jason Campbell. 

Justin Fargas, Oakland Raiders, 8 carries, -6 yards- Who the hell are you?

Marvin Harrison, Indianapolis Colts, 2 catches, 21 yards- Martian Harrison is guaranteed to have over 200 yards receiving next week. 

Jamal Lewis, Baltimore Ravens, 16 carries, 45 yards- Rumors of Jamal Lewis’ re-ascension to the elite of NFL running backs is a complete exaggeration and a rumor started by Lewis himself.  Get this guy a lollypop and pony before he starts to pout. 

J.P. Losman, Buffalo Bills, 9-13, 83 yards- If you ever feel the need to look at Losman’s game log for the enire season, don’t bother, because I’ll tell you, he’s passed for 83 yards in every game of the year.

Randy Santana Moss Moss, Oakland Washington Raiders Redskins, 4 catch, 25 yards- Boy, you put these two dew droppers stats together and they don’t look so bad!  Write something sappy in a card, Mother’s Day is coming up.   

Alien Report

Tatum Bell, Running Bot, Planet Shanahan- I don’t know if I’ve ever been more furious at Planet Shanahan than  I was on Sunday afternoon.  This space invader really gets my hide a foot off the chaise for at least thirty seconds at a time.  What the hell was that?  He deactivates the hotter than a day at the beach with Joan Crawford running bot, Mike Bell and activates something called Damien Nash?  He then starts Tatum Bell against the pathetic Raiders so I get all hopped up and start Bell over Thomas Jones and then he has the wires to split carries between this thing called Nash, whose never played football before and Bell.  Bell should have ran all over the Raiders on Sunday but I was left with a broken Zenith and a broken cane.  I did try to interview Planet Shanahan after the game but when his image showed up in my living room, all I could do was flick him off and moon him.  Sue me.



Scoop Chicos is the senior staff writer for fflcommish.com, the most flexible fantasy football league manager available. His original fantasy football articles are updated several times a week. You can ask him fantasy football related questions in his fantasy football forum. Subscribe to his articles from his fantasy football rss feed.

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